Well, frell.
Aug. 4th, 2003 05:42 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cassy_gI went to bed at midnight in an attempt to catch up on my rest and settle my nerves so I will be a nice human being again. I didn't manage to get more than about 3 hours of sleep on Saturday, and I was really exhausted by midnight last evening. Especially after the fall out over the schedules. But, once again, I woke up way too early, around 3:30 am.
This time I was startled awake by a bad dream that vanished from my thoughts the minute I woke up, but left me shaking, gasping for breath (yay, asthma), and a little nauseous. Ok, maybe a lot nauseous.
I seriously don't get why my anxiety level is so high. It's three weeks and three days before the convention. I have the track schedules finalized. I scanned the artwork for the backstage pass yesterday, so it's been started. I have people more than willing to help me edit the 150 page text file, once it's ready to be started that is, for the Pocket Program. I have an idea of what I want to draw for the Dead Dog Party tickets. The supplies have been ordered for Daily Dragon and Signage, and should arrive tomorrow or Tuesday. I got the new printer approved for Signage and it too should be here in the next week or so. I ordered the copier for Daily Dragon, and got the increased number of copies approved. All in all, I have alot done.
But, here I am, still shaking, with that lovely burning feeling in my stomach, and wide awake.
Maybe I am just afraid I am going to seriously screw up. I have alot riding on this year's convention. I was the one that started everything to bring the Tribe to Dragon*Con, and told the chairman how great and wonderful it was, that it has been a completely missed opportunity in the past. If I am wrong and no one comes for it, well, I am going to look like a complete idiot to alot of people. Plus, I am responsible for all of the scheduling. All of it. If anything goes wrong it is because I didn't do it right. At the convention, if a guest needs to rearrange their schedule, it's up to me to find a way to make that work. Lots of responsibilities, to alot of people. I take my responsibilities very seriously, and maybe too seriously.
The really weird thing is, I don't do this stuff so that people will say "good job" or tell me how great things worked out, or any of the things you would think I would put myself through all this for. I just do it out of a genuine love for our convention, and the desire to do something meaningful and worthwhile for it.
All I really want is for everything to run smoothly, fade into the background and leave people wondering how it went so well.
This time I was startled awake by a bad dream that vanished from my thoughts the minute I woke up, but left me shaking, gasping for breath (yay, asthma), and a little nauseous. Ok, maybe a lot nauseous.
I seriously don't get why my anxiety level is so high. It's three weeks and three days before the convention. I have the track schedules finalized. I scanned the artwork for the backstage pass yesterday, so it's been started. I have people more than willing to help me edit the 150 page text file, once it's ready to be started that is, for the Pocket Program. I have an idea of what I want to draw for the Dead Dog Party tickets. The supplies have been ordered for Daily Dragon and Signage, and should arrive tomorrow or Tuesday. I got the new printer approved for Signage and it too should be here in the next week or so. I ordered the copier for Daily Dragon, and got the increased number of copies approved. All in all, I have alot done.
But, here I am, still shaking, with that lovely burning feeling in my stomach, and wide awake.
Maybe I am just afraid I am going to seriously screw up. I have alot riding on this year's convention. I was the one that started everything to bring the Tribe to Dragon*Con, and told the chairman how great and wonderful it was, that it has been a completely missed opportunity in the past. If I am wrong and no one comes for it, well, I am going to look like a complete idiot to alot of people. Plus, I am responsible for all of the scheduling. All of it. If anything goes wrong it is because I didn't do it right. At the convention, if a guest needs to rearrange their schedule, it's up to me to find a way to make that work. Lots of responsibilities, to alot of people. I take my responsibilities very seriously, and maybe too seriously.
The really weird thing is, I don't do this stuff so that people will say "good job" or tell me how great things worked out, or any of the things you would think I would put myself through all this for. I just do it out of a genuine love for our convention, and the desire to do something meaningful and worthwhile for it.
All I really want is for everything to run smoothly, fade into the background and leave people wondering how it went so well.
