Well, frell.

[cassy_g]

I went to bed at midnight in an attempt to catch up on my rest and settle my nerves so I will be a nice human being again. I didn't manage to get more than about 3 hours of sleep on Saturday, and I was really exhausted by midnight last evening. Especially after the fall out over the schedules. But, once again, I woke up way too early, around 3:30 am.

This time I was startled awake by a bad dream that vanished from my thoughts the minute I woke up, but left me shaking, gasping for breath (yay, asthma), and a little nauseous. Ok, maybe a lot nauseous.

I seriously don't get why my anxiety level is so high. It's three weeks and three days before the convention. I have the track schedules finalized. I scanned the artwork for the backstage pass yesterday, so it's been started. I have people more than willing to help me edit the 150 page text file, once it's ready to be started that is, for the Pocket Program. I have an idea of what I want to draw for the Dead Dog Party tickets. The supplies have been ordered for Daily Dragon and Signage, and should arrive tomorrow or Tuesday. I got the new printer approved for Signage and it too should be here in the next week or so. I ordered the copier for Daily Dragon, and got the increased number of copies approved. All in all, I have alot done.

But, here I am, still shaking, with that lovely burning feeling in my stomach, and wide awake.

Maybe I am just afraid I am going to seriously screw up. I have alot riding on this year's convention. I was the one that started everything to bring the Tribe to Dragon*Con, and told the chairman how great and wonderful it was, that it has been a completely missed opportunity in the past. If I am wrong and no one comes for it, well, I am going to look like a complete idiot to alot of people. Plus, I am responsible for all of the scheduling. All of it. If anything goes wrong it is because I didn't do it right. At the convention, if a guest needs to rearrange their schedule, it's up to me to find a way to make that work. Lots of responsibilities, to alot of people. I take my responsibilities very seriously, and maybe too seriously.

The really weird thing is, I don't do this stuff so that people will say "good job" or tell me how great things worked out, or any of the things you would think I would put myself through all this for. I just do it out of a genuine love for our convention, and the desire to do something meaningful and worthwhile for it.

All I really want is for everything to run smoothly, fade into the background and leave people wondering how it went so well.

Comments

[chalice66.livejournal.com]

I can totally symphathize with you, sweetheart. I get so wrapped around the axel, especially when something big is coming, that I almost stop sleeping alltogether. I also feel very similarly about responsibilities. I take them on because it's something I care about, but sometimes, from the outside anyway, it can look like I care WAY too much in proportion to the task or tasks that I'm doing. Mountain or molehill? Guess it depends on your perspective. :-) If you need a shoulder to cry on, just walk out your front door and... well, you know the way.

Chalice

[dire-epiphany.livejournal.com]

Thanks for understanding! I am really trying to just relax about it, and remind myself that I have alot already done and there's no need to panic. It's just really hard sometimes.

Yes, I do know the way! And I did almost knock on your door this morning... err last night, you know what I mean. :)

By the way, I am coming over to Border Pagans tomorrow night. I have to get out of the house for a little while and away from my telephone.

[closer2myself.livejournal.com]

It'll all be ok, hon. Remember, Brenda's only really fielding calls about two things - James Marsters, and The Tribe! And the website hits are up in the 700's. It'll be grand.

*hug*

[dire-epiphany.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Thanks so much, I needed that. :)

Wow! 700 hits since you got the counter put on it? Or since they linked it off the main website?? That's great!

I am really happy for you, and I think you are doing a fabulous job by the way. I feel better knowing that the track is being handled by you. :)

Oh, and I still want that chocolate. muhahahaha

[closer2myself.livejournal.com]

I've been meaning to ask...what kind do you like? :)

[dire-epiphany.livejournal.com]

I am not about to say all chocolate is created equal, because, well it isn't. It just... isn't.

However, I accept all chocolate graciously, and usually ravenously!

I prefer milk chocolate over dark chocolate and white chocolate. Between those two, I think I prefer white chocolate over dark chocolate.

You know, you could bring me a bag of those bite size Milky Way Midnights (I think that's what they are called), it's the dark chocolate version of the Milky Way Bar, and in little square bite size pieces. (Ok, one of those times I like the dark chocolate better heh) That would make a fantastic thing to have at D*C for chocolate emergencies!

Mmm... chocolate!

[closer2myself.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, and the website went from around 400 hits to 700 hits in about three days after Tribeworld linked it to their main site. :)

[eugie.livejournal.com]

Calmblueocean! Dragon*Con will be wonderful, fun, a blast, enjoyed by all.

Did I mention all the emails we've gotten about the Tribe? Surely I did. There will be plenty of people streaming to the Tribe track.

Cassy, you do an amazing amount of work for Dragon*Con. Quite frankly, I don't know how a single person can do everything you do. If something goes awry, it is not your fault.

But nothing cataclysmic will go wrong. It'll all work out. How do I know? It's a mystery. But it will.

[dire-epiphany.livejournal.com]

Well, no you hadn't mentioned it, but yay!

I am glad to know people will be showing up for it. I guess being so far out of the loop on it now I don't have a real sense of it any more.

Ok now I am blushy. Thank you. It's so good to have people like you around me that help me keep things in perspective!