Flame On...
Aug. 14th, 2003 04:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cassy_gCaution: what to follow is a rant/screaming hissy fit/tantrum about breasts. Turn back now all of weak hearts.
For those of you that haven't had the boob fairy take particular pride in ruining your life by visiting you way more than the other girls, let me just clue you in on a few things.
I haven't seen my feet since I was 12. Not because I was over weight, but because I couldn't see past my breasts. When I put on any dress that would fit my chest, I looked like I was wearing a tent. I weighed 125 lbs until I was 26, but I thought I was fat because I had to wear men's cloths so my shirts would button.
I use to hate PE because they wanted us to run, and do jumping jacks, and other fool hearted things for any person carrying 10+ lbs loosely connected to their chests. Men think it's so hot and sexy to see a woman's breasts bouncing up and down, well let me tell you, it really frellin' hurts! You think it's so all fired sexy, go out and buy two 5 lbs bags of sugar, strap them to your chest with duct tape and go out for a jog, then we can talk.
Oh, and let's not even get started on the fact that you can't actually really hug people, or snuggle up to them. Well, you can, but your breasts get crushed (painfully) and all in the way. Try putting a nice thick pillow between you and your huggy person the next time you try and see how well it works.
Let's not forget that when you have big breasts, even if you try to hide them like I have, people stare at them instead of you. Not to mention that most men will treat you like a simpleton, because apparently my breasts have sucked the brains out of my head. And, of course, because I have big breasts, I am a complete slut too.
You can't sleep on your back, because when you do, they sort of push up towards your throat, and then you start suffocating. But, you can't lay on your side really either, well, unless you have extra pillows to sleep with so you can shove one between your breasts, because if you don't the weight pulls on you and hurts like hell. And of course, laying on your stomach is right out, unless you like having an unnatural curve in your spine, and have enough pillows to pile up to reach your head. Plus your breasts get crushed into your throat again, and damnit, there goes your breathing.
And while we are talking pain, let's skip right to the heart of this: bras. When I was 12, I had to wear a D cup bra. But the boob fairy didn't stop there, no, no... But see here's the real kicker. Where I grew up, if you had big breasts, it apparently meant that you were over weight too, because no store at the time carried a bra larger than a DDD. Which I was wearing (though it was too small) by the time I was 16. I went to one store to try to get a bra, and I had (at the time) a 32 inch rib cage. The sales person said that I needed to be wearing a 40C so that it would "fit right". What that meant was they didn't have my size and she was trying to accommodate the cup size with inches around the ribs in order to make it fit.
And that's the way I spent the next 18 years of my life, wearing bras that didn't fit any where like they were suppose to. This means I now have permenant lines under my breasts from the poorly fitted underwire bras that couldn't begin to accommodate the size and weight of my breasts. I have deep grooves in my shoulders from my bra straps, not to mention very often pinched nerves as well. I get neck pain from it, and back aches like you wouldn't believe. I can't really do some of the activities that most people enjoy because it really is just too painful.
Well, about 4 years ago I found a place down in Buckhead that specialized in "odd sized" bras. I went and got fitted, and viola! I wear a 38 H(oly sh*t). But guess what, even they didn't carry that size. However, they had a 38 G(ood grief!) that fit better than anything I had ever worn before. I came home put it on and spent the next month walking around staring at my chest because I had TWO seperate breasts! That bra cost me $75 and I honestly didn't care because it FIT! I still got the pinched nerves, neck and back aches, but it was definately an improvement.
So, today, I went down to Buckhead to have lunch with a friend, and the lingere place is across the street. I really need a new bra, didn't want to spent $75, but it's the price I have to pay. Anyway, I get inside and ask nicely for my bra (I know the size and manufacturer and model, thank you very much), and she smiles and says "Oh, we don't have that size, dear, the company stopped producing it." The only frellin' company that made that size, and she's smiling saying they have stopped producing it?
I quite literally broke down into tears. Then she pats me on the shoulder and says "It probably wasn't the right size for you anyway..." I swear, I almost slapped her! I needed a new bra, seriously badly, so the closest I could find that kind of sort of didn't hurt (ie the underwires weren't stabbing me in the arm pits, or the straps weren't grinding between bones, or the chest band wasn't twisting all the way around me when I moved) was a 38 FF. For those of you that know nothing about bra cup sizes, that is 3 inches smaller than my chest is.
My breasts are getting, literally folded in half to fit in this damn thing, and she says "See that looks so much better!" (Read: Your breasts look "normal" because they are being crushed to hell!) And once again, I spent $75 for a bra. And this time one that doesn't even fit!
I go to lunch in my old bra, and I am pretty morose about it, but I used the wonderful company of my friend to stop thinking about it for a while.
On the long trip home, I unfortunately started thinking about it, and got all weepy/angry again.
I want to have breast reduction surgery more than I can say. I am scared about it, sure - surgery is surgery and it has risks, especially with some of my past health concerns. But, honestly, my fear of the surgery isn't really what's stopped me in the past (and I say that, because I have thought about having it done most of my life).
What's stopped me before is the feeling that I am being vain by wanting to have this done. I mean, most guys will say my breasts are just perfect the way they are, but this isn't about them, or anyone else for that matter. It's just about me, and I don't want to be vain.
But, if I am going to be honest, then I have to say, I have these fantasies about being able to pull a spagetti strap tank top on without a bra and it not only not matter, but be damn cute too. I literally dream about being able to go into a lingere shop like Victoria's Secret and being able to pull the cutest frillyest bra off the shelf for $20! And even be able to have matching panties too! I want to be able to buy girl cloths and them not look like they are being stretched over a barbie doll chest and distorted, or have to get them so big to fit my chest that I look like a circus tent.
I just want to have normal girl breasts.
Is that really a lot to ask?
For those of you that haven't had the boob fairy take particular pride in ruining your life by visiting you way more than the other girls, let me just clue you in on a few things.
I haven't seen my feet since I was 12. Not because I was over weight, but because I couldn't see past my breasts. When I put on any dress that would fit my chest, I looked like I was wearing a tent. I weighed 125 lbs until I was 26, but I thought I was fat because I had to wear men's cloths so my shirts would button.
I use to hate PE because they wanted us to run, and do jumping jacks, and other fool hearted things for any person carrying 10+ lbs loosely connected to their chests. Men think it's so hot and sexy to see a woman's breasts bouncing up and down, well let me tell you, it really frellin' hurts! You think it's so all fired sexy, go out and buy two 5 lbs bags of sugar, strap them to your chest with duct tape and go out for a jog, then we can talk.
Oh, and let's not even get started on the fact that you can't actually really hug people, or snuggle up to them. Well, you can, but your breasts get crushed (painfully) and all in the way. Try putting a nice thick pillow between you and your huggy person the next time you try and see how well it works.
Let's not forget that when you have big breasts, even if you try to hide them like I have, people stare at them instead of you. Not to mention that most men will treat you like a simpleton, because apparently my breasts have sucked the brains out of my head. And, of course, because I have big breasts, I am a complete slut too.
You can't sleep on your back, because when you do, they sort of push up towards your throat, and then you start suffocating. But, you can't lay on your side really either, well, unless you have extra pillows to sleep with so you can shove one between your breasts, because if you don't the weight pulls on you and hurts like hell. And of course, laying on your stomach is right out, unless you like having an unnatural curve in your spine, and have enough pillows to pile up to reach your head. Plus your breasts get crushed into your throat again, and damnit, there goes your breathing.
And while we are talking pain, let's skip right to the heart of this: bras. When I was 12, I had to wear a D cup bra. But the boob fairy didn't stop there, no, no... But see here's the real kicker. Where I grew up, if you had big breasts, it apparently meant that you were over weight too, because no store at the time carried a bra larger than a DDD. Which I was wearing (though it was too small) by the time I was 16. I went to one store to try to get a bra, and I had (at the time) a 32 inch rib cage. The sales person said that I needed to be wearing a 40C so that it would "fit right". What that meant was they didn't have my size and she was trying to accommodate the cup size with inches around the ribs in order to make it fit.
And that's the way I spent the next 18 years of my life, wearing bras that didn't fit any where like they were suppose to. This means I now have permenant lines under my breasts from the poorly fitted underwire bras that couldn't begin to accommodate the size and weight of my breasts. I have deep grooves in my shoulders from my bra straps, not to mention very often pinched nerves as well. I get neck pain from it, and back aches like you wouldn't believe. I can't really do some of the activities that most people enjoy because it really is just too painful.
Well, about 4 years ago I found a place down in Buckhead that specialized in "odd sized" bras. I went and got fitted, and viola! I wear a 38 H(oly sh*t). But guess what, even they didn't carry that size. However, they had a 38 G(ood grief!) that fit better than anything I had ever worn before. I came home put it on and spent the next month walking around staring at my chest because I had TWO seperate breasts! That bra cost me $75 and I honestly didn't care because it FIT! I still got the pinched nerves, neck and back aches, but it was definately an improvement.
So, today, I went down to Buckhead to have lunch with a friend, and the lingere place is across the street. I really need a new bra, didn't want to spent $75, but it's the price I have to pay. Anyway, I get inside and ask nicely for my bra (I know the size and manufacturer and model, thank you very much), and she smiles and says "Oh, we don't have that size, dear, the company stopped producing it." The only frellin' company that made that size, and she's smiling saying they have stopped producing it?
I quite literally broke down into tears. Then she pats me on the shoulder and says "It probably wasn't the right size for you anyway..." I swear, I almost slapped her! I needed a new bra, seriously badly, so the closest I could find that kind of sort of didn't hurt (ie the underwires weren't stabbing me in the arm pits, or the straps weren't grinding between bones, or the chest band wasn't twisting all the way around me when I moved) was a 38 FF. For those of you that know nothing about bra cup sizes, that is 3 inches smaller than my chest is.
My breasts are getting, literally folded in half to fit in this damn thing, and she says "See that looks so much better!" (Read: Your breasts look "normal" because they are being crushed to hell!) And once again, I spent $75 for a bra. And this time one that doesn't even fit!
I go to lunch in my old bra, and I am pretty morose about it, but I used the wonderful company of my friend to stop thinking about it for a while.
On the long trip home, I unfortunately started thinking about it, and got all weepy/angry again.
I want to have breast reduction surgery more than I can say. I am scared about it, sure - surgery is surgery and it has risks, especially with some of my past health concerns. But, honestly, my fear of the surgery isn't really what's stopped me in the past (and I say that, because I have thought about having it done most of my life).
What's stopped me before is the feeling that I am being vain by wanting to have this done. I mean, most guys will say my breasts are just perfect the way they are, but this isn't about them, or anyone else for that matter. It's just about me, and I don't want to be vain.
But, if I am going to be honest, then I have to say, I have these fantasies about being able to pull a spagetti strap tank top on without a bra and it not only not matter, but be damn cute too. I literally dream about being able to go into a lingere shop like Victoria's Secret and being able to pull the cutest frillyest bra off the shelf for $20! And even be able to have matching panties too! I want to be able to buy girl cloths and them not look like they are being stretched over a barbie doll chest and distorted, or have to get them so big to fit my chest that I look like a circus tent.
I just want to have normal girl breasts.
Is that really a lot to ask?
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-08-14 08:40 pm (UTC)no, it is not !! I think that because of your feelings on the subject, that breast reduction surgery is an excellent option for you to look further into. Sure they probably can't make you an A cup...but a C or D is much better than a FF or G.
::hugs:: I'm sorry for your pain and I send you my emotional support in whatever path you choose
no subject
Date: 2003-08-15 06:21 pm (UTC)I would love to be a C cup! After D*C is over, I am going to make an appointment with my doctor and see if I can get a ball rolling towards having the surgery.
Thanks for your support!
no subject
Date: 2003-08-14 08:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-08-15 06:24 pm (UTC)Yes, I am afraid they will tell me the same thing when I say "I want to be a C". Though even a D would be so much easier to deal with than what I have at the moment.
I have heard from a lot of people that have friends that have had the surgery done that they were all very happy to have done it.
Part of me wonders why I keep putting it off!
*many hugs* Thanks again. :)
no subject
Date: 2003-08-14 11:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-08-15 06:25 pm (UTC)I have good days and bad days with the whole thing, and I think yesterday was one of those bad days!
Thanks so much for the support! *many hugs*
no subject
Date: 2003-08-15 11:43 am (UTC)Maybe talk to a doctor and get a note from him to send to the insurance co., verifying of it's necessity.
Sorry you have had to deal with such pain in your life, hopefully there will be a remedy for you soon...
:hugs:
no subject
Date: 2003-08-15 06:29 pm (UTC)I am hoping that the insurance will be amicable over it. I am going to call my doctor after D*C and make an appointment to discuss it.
I know my old therapist would more than happily write a letter of reasons why I need to have the surgery done. She's had several of her patients have it and from what she's told me all of them were very happy when it was done. She also can give me the name of a good reputable surgeon that specializes in that sort of proceedure.
I am feeling better about it today. I think the stress of D*C along with the heat and the whole, "why the hell would a company stop making that size" just hit me pretty badly yesterday.
Thanks again, I will let you know how it goes!