The World According to Yahoo!
Aug. 19th, 2003 07:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cassy_gSo, I was hanging out online, deleting my 8 million virus spam emails as they come in and trying to keep Norton from popping up in my face every two seconds, when I have an IM pop up on my screen from someone that will here after be known as "Yahoo" - not because he messaged me on Yahoo, but as in the literal definition of the word "yahoo" meaning a boorish, crass, or stupid person.
Yahoo starts out with the standard I was reading your LJ blabber, but I am a nice enough person as long as you are polite. So, I give the obligatory "thanks, I am glad you enjoy reading it" that polite people do while waiting for either the pick up line or the axe.
Amazingly, Yahoo worked the possiblity for both into the same generic phrase "so, I see you're bi?" Not exactly a secret, it's not like I am in the closet. Yes, I respond warily not sure which way Yahoo is going with this.
Then he asks the last time I was with a girl. Ok, well Yahoo is quickly falling off the list of me caring about talking to him, but he's not gotten rude really, so I think about it and finally say that it's been about 6 years. Then I get the WOW, so what about a guy? And I think about it and say that it's been about 3 and half, maybe 4 years.
Well there's long silence. Ok, good, that threw him off and he's going to go away now, no great loss. I kill the message, go back to my regular scheduled programming and then suddenly "bling" new message pops up with: "You're celibate?", like maybe it was a rare exotic disease or something. I just tell him yes.
More long pauses, kill the message, go back to my life without Yahoo. Then suddenly I get another new message with "Oh thank goodness! You're ex-gay!"
This takes me a wee bit off guard. I look at the message like a deer in headlights. Ex-gay? Ex. Gay. Is that possible I wonder? I shrug it off and say "No, I am not ex-gay, I am very happy." Because I figure Yahoo is obviously thinking I must be unhappy in my lifestyle choice.
Yahoo gets very upset and somewhere in the ranting says "no - I mean you left the gay lifestyle!"
Huh? I have never been a lesbian I tell him.
Then he proceeds to tell me that bisexuality is impossible. I was a lesbian because I had been with women before, but that by choosing to be celibate, I had left the gay lifestyle and he was glad I was on my way to becoming heterosexual. He asked which "reparative therapy" group I had joined to become ex-gay, and told me that God would forgive me for my stumbling along the way into a gay lifestyle.
Ok, so at this point, I am not speaking because I am literally stunned that Yahoo first of all believes that someone has to be gay or straight, and two that they can be cured, and three that he needs to tell me that God will forgive me, and four that he's just this witless.
Eventually, I manage to tell him that even though I am celibate, I am still very much bisexual, I still enjoy the company of men and women and this will never change. I tell him that I am glad that he feels that whatever this reparative therapy stuff is works for him, and while I appreciate that his God will forgive him, I am a Taoist, so I have no god to seek redemption from.
This is when Yahoo got put on ignore because he apparently couldn't accept my difference of opinion and had to start insulting me, and my life choices because he didn't have a high enough IQ to actually debate anything.
Ah well... it's good to know there's a balance out there for the intelligent people... I just wish they would stop finding me!
Yahoo starts out with the standard I was reading your LJ blabber, but I am a nice enough person as long as you are polite. So, I give the obligatory "thanks, I am glad you enjoy reading it" that polite people do while waiting for either the pick up line or the axe.
Amazingly, Yahoo worked the possiblity for both into the same generic phrase "so, I see you're bi?" Not exactly a secret, it's not like I am in the closet. Yes, I respond warily not sure which way Yahoo is going with this.
Then he asks the last time I was with a girl. Ok, well Yahoo is quickly falling off the list of me caring about talking to him, but he's not gotten rude really, so I think about it and finally say that it's been about 6 years. Then I get the WOW, so what about a guy? And I think about it and say that it's been about 3 and half, maybe 4 years.
Well there's long silence. Ok, good, that threw him off and he's going to go away now, no great loss. I kill the message, go back to my regular scheduled programming and then suddenly "bling" new message pops up with: "You're celibate?", like maybe it was a rare exotic disease or something. I just tell him yes.
More long pauses, kill the message, go back to my life without Yahoo. Then suddenly I get another new message with "Oh thank goodness! You're ex-gay!"
This takes me a wee bit off guard. I look at the message like a deer in headlights. Ex-gay? Ex. Gay. Is that possible I wonder? I shrug it off and say "No, I am not ex-gay, I am very happy." Because I figure Yahoo is obviously thinking I must be unhappy in my lifestyle choice.
Yahoo gets very upset and somewhere in the ranting says "no - I mean you left the gay lifestyle!"
Huh? I have never been a lesbian I tell him.
Then he proceeds to tell me that bisexuality is impossible. I was a lesbian because I had been with women before, but that by choosing to be celibate, I had left the gay lifestyle and he was glad I was on my way to becoming heterosexual. He asked which "reparative therapy" group I had joined to become ex-gay, and told me that God would forgive me for my stumbling along the way into a gay lifestyle.
Ok, so at this point, I am not speaking because I am literally stunned that Yahoo first of all believes that someone has to be gay or straight, and two that they can be cured, and three that he needs to tell me that God will forgive me, and four that he's just this witless.
Eventually, I manage to tell him that even though I am celibate, I am still very much bisexual, I still enjoy the company of men and women and this will never change. I tell him that I am glad that he feels that whatever this reparative therapy stuff is works for him, and while I appreciate that his God will forgive him, I am a Taoist, so I have no god to seek redemption from.
This is when Yahoo got put on ignore because he apparently couldn't accept my difference of opinion and had to start insulting me, and my life choices because he didn't have a high enough IQ to actually debate anything.
Ah well... it's good to know there's a balance out there for the intelligent people... I just wish they would stop finding me!
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-08-19 11:33 pm (UTC)"Well yes, I stopped sleeping with men and women...since me and my horse have been very happy for the past four years."
I'm just a tad evil, yes?
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Date: 2003-08-20 11:43 am (UTC)I don't lean towards being evil... but damn it I wish I did!
I think the most wicked I ever got with someone was when he was trying to pick me up, so yea, admittedly, I lied and went the "I'm a lesbian" route because at the time (this was many years ago) I thought it was easier.
Knucklehead went on and on and on about how I just hadn't found the right man (which made me giggle because I was with my husband and SO at the time). He started in on the how kinky thing are you, and I told him something to the effect of me being into knife play.
Then I told Knucklehead that if he'd cut off his penis and grow breasts I MIGHT, MIGHT find him attractive.
What do you know, he stopped messaging me after that. :)
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Date: 2003-08-20 12:34 am (UTC)Sheesh!
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Date: 2003-08-20 11:44 am (UTC)Poor Yahoo, guess he lucked out getting me on the otherside of his little tiny IM window. :)
no subject
Date: 2003-08-20 11:38 am (UTC)Or was I drunk and missed something...???
no subject
Date: 2003-08-25 05:06 pm (UTC)BTW - good luck on saving the last of your sanity over the Dragon*Con. After it's all over, see if you can spend some time in a bubblebath with a good book - with the phone turned off. ;) I think you're going to need it.