Overwhelmed...

[cassy_g]

So, after much thought, consideration, and meditation over the things that everyone said and my own personal feelings regarding my birth mother, J-, I decided I would indeed write to her. Calling felt too invasive, and was just really way too scary for me.

Writing this letter has proved to sound easier than it has become. I thought I would just write a quiet hello, see if she would at least be willing to answer some my more important questions (especially those regarding my health). Sad thing is, I can't even get past the first line. Dear J-, Dear Ms. C-, Hello, Hi, and so on and so on, it was a hard decision. I finally went with "Dear Ms. C-", I decided I am too deep in my Southern upbringing to address her any other way.

But now, I am really just ... I don't know what to say. I realize I don't know what I want to say, and I don't know how to say it. I rarely feel at such a profound loss of words, but here I am.

I don't know anything about her really, and I don't want to say anything that would cause her not to be able to have what I can only call plausible deniability. I mean, I feel it is likely that she's never told anyone about me, and if by some chance someone else were to read over her shoulder, or open her mail, I would like her to be able to play off the letter.

But, I don't want to lie either, I think that would be a horrible way to start off a potential relationship, even if it's only limited to occasional letters containing information - I want her to feel I am trustworthy.

Maybe there just isn't a good way to do this. I mean how can there ever be a good way to walk into someone's life after 34 years?

Comments

[pig2k3.livejournal.com]

Note: Even though I'm laying this out in steps it's meant to be construed as advice, and not necessarily the best advice at that. :)

Step 1: Figure out what the hell it is you want out of all this? (Since you've probably done this, go to step 2).

Step 2: Write the letter. Be up front. Don't be afraid to tell her how you came across her name. At the same time, explain /why/ you felt the need to track her down. Keep the letter short but leave the option open for her to reply as well as to establish the kind of relationship you two will have from here on out.

Step 3: Drop it in the mail.

Step 4: Go see a movie, eat a pizza or something.

[eugie.livejournal.com]

I think you made the right decision to write her a letter rather than call her. A letter is less intrusive, and it will give her time to compose herself and think about her reply. I think you're very courageous, and I've got my fingers crossed for you that it all turns out wonderfully.

[jollyroger13.livejournal.com]

Writing this letter could be a one time shot, so being up front about who you are, how you found her, and what you want will answer any questions she might have about the legitimacy of this new contact from you.

I wouldn't concern myself with worries about someone else (who might not know anything about you) opening and reading your letter. Afterall, if that happens and she gets confronted about it, then that is really her issue to deal with, not yours. If she has chosen to basically lie about your existence (even if to her the reasons seemed valid) to a current partner AND she cannot get postal privacy in her own home, that really is not your problem.

Write the letter for yourself, say what you need to say, send it and let it go. Whatever will happen after that is going to happen anyway, so by sending it out you put it in motion.

You are very brave, lady, and I commend you for that.