Drowning...
Jul. 13th, 2006 10:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cassy_gUnder a sea of papers, and there are more coming tomorrow via courier...
I did go to the gym today, I really had to or else I was going to literally snap. Even though going to they gym seriously helps, I made a doctor's appointment for next week to see if I can get my Xanax and Ambien scripts refilled. I have been on the verge of having serious panic attacks for the last week now, and even though I used less than 1/3 of the previous prescription bottle (and never had it refilled), just knowing that the Xanax was there IF I really lost it was a major relief.
Also, I can't sleep - yea, I know that's nothing new - but I REALLY can't sleep. I had gotten use to a good 4-6 hours of sleep, ok mostly four, but that is four more than I have been getting in the last month or so. Now, because I am so close to panicing all the time, when I lay down, no matter how sleepy I am, my brain won't stop, and if I do manage to fall asleep, a moth landing on a light post four blocks away could wake me up. And once I am up... I am UP. Pleh. I really didn't have a love for the Ambien, I only took 2 pills total. The first time was a whole pill, and 20+ hours later when I woke up, I was groggy, so the next two tries (and these were literally months apart), I used only half pills.
Both of my 'scripts expired around 6 years ago, which is why I have to see the doctor if I want them refilled. We'll see how it goes, and god only knows how much it is going to cost without insurance... it makes me twitchy to even think about it too much.
I am also PMSing... and one of my co-workers chose not to listen when I said, "I haven't slept in almost 48 hours - we do not want to have this conversation right now." We get along wonderfully, but he pushed a button when I was already in a crappy mood... it's all smoothed over now, but it was for a while just some extra stress.
I have been promised that Dragon*Con will be a completely different ball game for me next year - whatever that means - I do know that I will NOT be the Guest Selection Committee's secretary next year. That's been hard since I was working out a new process, but not that it's all hammered out, someone else can do it.
I don't know where it's all going though... and I don't know where I am ultimately going with everything. I don't know if I should go back to college, or even what I want to do with my life... I guess that's one of the reasons I am such a work-a-holic. You can't stop to ponder things when you have a million deadlines to make, right?
In any case, I have about 450 pages to edit for Emory, and gods only knows how many ads it has to be placed - there were two big (but light) boxes full of the ads... I haven't counted on the list yet, but it was alot. Having gotten more applications, I now have almost 250 more to enter into the database (despite having put in over200 in the last few days). The database is well over 1200 apps for the year and just me processing them. I sent out mass mailers for the first time last Friday, but before that I had been writing individual letters. I do kind of feel yuck about the mass emails, but then I am one person and there's not physically time to write a personal letter to everyone right now.
I had three meetings at Dragon*Con this week which sucked a HUGE amount of time between travelling back and forth and sitting in the meetings. They were good meetings, but still it is frustrating to me because I can't work in my car because if I try to write I get seriously car sick. Anyone out there know a solution for this? Would dramamine work? I also have the final staff meeting on Saturday. The other thing besides traffic time lost is the time I have to stop what I am working on to prepare for each meeting. I mean, of course, it has to be done, it just makes my days feel like absolutely nothing has been accomplished - which of course it IS, it just isn't what I feel it NEEDS to be.
I am going to be mailing out the list of panels to EVERY guest next week... this has never been done before. I am not sending days, times, or rooms, just the name of the panel, what the panel is about and who else is on the panel - I am doing this so that guests can tell me now if they are seriously upset over anything. Right now there are 250+ guests and another about 200 to go up soon (once I process all these bloody apps), so as if I am not getting email enough (over 125 a day right now), I think that's going to add to the madness.
And I am NOT trying to kill myself - but the guests REALLY need to know what panels they are doing BEFORE the show. The only reason it has never been done before is because I didn't have access to the contact information for the guests - with me doing the Guest Selection Committee meeting admin work, I have complete access to it - so that's one of the things I will be doing. And I will be doing in future years as I have been assured that even though I won't be the admin next year, I will have access to the information for Program Book/website bios, photos, and scheduling.
I am wearing ALOT of hats this year. I will be so glad when the 5th of September gets here, even though I will still have a few Emory projects to wrap up - it won't be anything like it is now, and come mid-October, I won't have ANY projects at all until January. I say that, but there are things I would LIKE to do at Dragon*Con - some things I see that are rough around the edges, that I should try to polish when I am not pulling my hair out. But there's another part of me that wants to just curl up and hibernate for two months.
All in all, I KNOW that this is a rough year simply because I am trying very hard to put new plans and proceedures into place, and that once I hammer them out, other people will be able to implement them. I even know that despite some people slipping thru the cracks it is because there is one of me, and not because the proceedures don't work. I also know that despite the few mistakes, the vast majority of guests are very happy to have someone contacting them, even if it is just me saying that we have their application, or even if it was declined. I think that in the past they haven't had anyone contact them EVER, so I suppose they are happy. And I have been trying to once a month post that months guests added to the website to the director's digest at the con with mini-bios... I guess that's helped, I really don't know.
I am seriously rambling... I guess I am just trying to tell myself that I will make it, that things are getting better, even if I can't see it right now.
I did go to the gym today, I really had to or else I was going to literally snap. Even though going to they gym seriously helps, I made a doctor's appointment for next week to see if I can get my Xanax and Ambien scripts refilled. I have been on the verge of having serious panic attacks for the last week now, and even though I used less than 1/3 of the previous prescription bottle (and never had it refilled), just knowing that the Xanax was there IF I really lost it was a major relief.
Also, I can't sleep - yea, I know that's nothing new - but I REALLY can't sleep. I had gotten use to a good 4-6 hours of sleep, ok mostly four, but that is four more than I have been getting in the last month or so. Now, because I am so close to panicing all the time, when I lay down, no matter how sleepy I am, my brain won't stop, and if I do manage to fall asleep, a moth landing on a light post four blocks away could wake me up. And once I am up... I am UP. Pleh. I really didn't have a love for the Ambien, I only took 2 pills total. The first time was a whole pill, and 20+ hours later when I woke up, I was groggy, so the next two tries (and these were literally months apart), I used only half pills.
Both of my 'scripts expired around 6 years ago, which is why I have to see the doctor if I want them refilled. We'll see how it goes, and god only knows how much it is going to cost without insurance... it makes me twitchy to even think about it too much.
I am also PMSing... and one of my co-workers chose not to listen when I said, "I haven't slept in almost 48 hours - we do not want to have this conversation right now." We get along wonderfully, but he pushed a button when I was already in a crappy mood... it's all smoothed over now, but it was for a while just some extra stress.
I have been promised that Dragon*Con will be a completely different ball game for me next year - whatever that means - I do know that I will NOT be the Guest Selection Committee's secretary next year. That's been hard since I was working out a new process, but not that it's all hammered out, someone else can do it.
I don't know where it's all going though... and I don't know where I am ultimately going with everything. I don't know if I should go back to college, or even what I want to do with my life... I guess that's one of the reasons I am such a work-a-holic. You can't stop to ponder things when you have a million deadlines to make, right?
In any case, I have about 450 pages to edit for Emory, and gods only knows how many ads it has to be placed - there were two big (but light) boxes full of the ads... I haven't counted on the list yet, but it was alot. Having gotten more applications, I now have almost 250 more to enter into the database (despite having put in over200 in the last few days). The database is well over 1200 apps for the year and just me processing them. I sent out mass mailers for the first time last Friday, but before that I had been writing individual letters. I do kind of feel yuck about the mass emails, but then I am one person and there's not physically time to write a personal letter to everyone right now.
I had three meetings at Dragon*Con this week which sucked a HUGE amount of time between travelling back and forth and sitting in the meetings. They were good meetings, but still it is frustrating to me because I can't work in my car because if I try to write I get seriously car sick. Anyone out there know a solution for this? Would dramamine work? I also have the final staff meeting on Saturday. The other thing besides traffic time lost is the time I have to stop what I am working on to prepare for each meeting. I mean, of course, it has to be done, it just makes my days feel like absolutely nothing has been accomplished - which of course it IS, it just isn't what I feel it NEEDS to be.
I am going to be mailing out the list of panels to EVERY guest next week... this has never been done before. I am not sending days, times, or rooms, just the name of the panel, what the panel is about and who else is on the panel - I am doing this so that guests can tell me now if they are seriously upset over anything. Right now there are 250+ guests and another about 200 to go up soon (once I process all these bloody apps), so as if I am not getting email enough (over 125 a day right now), I think that's going to add to the madness.
And I am NOT trying to kill myself - but the guests REALLY need to know what panels they are doing BEFORE the show. The only reason it has never been done before is because I didn't have access to the contact information for the guests - with me doing the Guest Selection Committee meeting admin work, I have complete access to it - so that's one of the things I will be doing. And I will be doing in future years as I have been assured that even though I won't be the admin next year, I will have access to the information for Program Book/website bios, photos, and scheduling.
I am wearing ALOT of hats this year. I will be so glad when the 5th of September gets here, even though I will still have a few Emory projects to wrap up - it won't be anything like it is now, and come mid-October, I won't have ANY projects at all until January. I say that, but there are things I would LIKE to do at Dragon*Con - some things I see that are rough around the edges, that I should try to polish when I am not pulling my hair out. But there's another part of me that wants to just curl up and hibernate for two months.
All in all, I KNOW that this is a rough year simply because I am trying very hard to put new plans and proceedures into place, and that once I hammer them out, other people will be able to implement them. I even know that despite some people slipping thru the cracks it is because there is one of me, and not because the proceedures don't work. I also know that despite the few mistakes, the vast majority of guests are very happy to have someone contacting them, even if it is just me saying that we have their application, or even if it was declined. I think that in the past they haven't had anyone contact them EVER, so I suppose they are happy. And I have been trying to once a month post that months guests added to the website to the director's digest at the con with mini-bios... I guess that's helped, I really don't know.
I am seriously rambling... I guess I am just trying to tell myself that I will make it, that things are getting better, even if I can't see it right now.
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no subject
Date: 2006-07-14 03:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-14 03:54 am (UTC)Breathe!!!!!
Date: 2006-07-14 12:42 pm (UTC)Girl, I am thinking about you and worried sick now that you really are overworked and underpaid!
Try to keep up with yourself. You are very well thought of by not just humnble me but also those at Dragon Con and Emory...still...its time for more money, less work and the doing of all the things you little heart desires!!!Once your commitments are done give yourself a break!!!!
My love and happy peaceful pixiedust to you my dear!
"PP5"
no subject
Date: 2006-07-20 01:29 am (UTC)